A Birthday Rambling February 24th 2017

Taking a moment here to write a thank you to all my friends for your kind birthday wishes and for your support throughout the years.  I am grateful and appreciative beyond measure, yet I forget to embody and express that in word and deed, far too often.  The reservoir of compassion that I have fluctuates like the Oroville Dam.

I feel that much of my purpose in this life is to serve others.  Yet I can also be so self-serving at times.  Such a paradoxical dichotomy it seems -- to be self-serving in the service of others.  What will it take to unify this duality?

I have no intention of being self-absorbed, yet I find myself to be far too often.  Even by writing this, I feel overly self-absorbed.  It is hard to give when the heart shuts down to receive.   Yet, there are seemingly so many more reasons nowadays to shut down, rather than to open up, and to give and receive.   Opening is a dedicated, conscious choice.  It is a practice geared toward awakening.  How can I be more open?

Like many of you, I suffer.  In some ways, I do so consciously, in some ways I do not.

My goal is to transmute this suffering.

Hiding my creativity does not help me in this process, nor does being attached to its expressions’ outcome.  To the contrary, it hinders the process and actually does harm.  The perpetuation of this suffering adds violence in my life and in the world around me.  I am committed to the path of non-violence, so this is contrary to my aim.  Therefore, I must choose to alleviate all seeds of future suffering.  I must see the suffering at its source, and pull the weeds from their entangled roots.  I am the only one that can shovel the manure out of the stables in my mind.  I am the only one that can haul the fodder out to the fields, for the horses to graze within the fertile crescent of my soul.

I am making the commitment today to share more of myself with you because I want to be of service.  Also, I am doing so because I am admittedly, self-absorbed.

What is the felt-sense that brings us together rather than tears us apart?  What is the felt-sense that opens us to love and allows us to experience grace, rather than to perpetually live in fear?  What allows me to enter into the universal flow and how can I spend more time there?  Can I be kind to myself when I am tired?  Can I be compassionate to myself when I am triggered?  Can I love myself when I fail?  Can I open myself not only to give, but to receive as well? Can I be truthful?  Can I be honest?  Can I accept that the ones I love may hurt me?  Can I accept criticism from my peers; can I accept blame from my colleagues?  Can I forgive?

Ultimately, how will I respond?

The moment is all we have.  A pretty obvious statement you’ve probably heard a thousand times.  Yet, the truth is that simple – it is all we have, and then, that is it.  Our lives are given through an act of love, and will one day be taken away. What does it mean to live with integrity?  What does it mean to truly live an authentic life?

Do you believe me when I say that your life has incredible value?  I don’t always believe that mine does.  Do you believe me when I say that you are a beautiful expression of divine light and universal love?  I can tell by the way I treat myself, that I often have a hard time believing.

I have a wounded ego.  Perhaps, we all do?

Thank you for sharing a moment of your time.  Thank you for the kind birthday wishes.  

I am grateful.